Old and New

Today is the last day of working life as I have known it for the past 10 years. Brian asked me the other day what was going through my mind. Not much really. A bit of anxiety, uncertainty. Will I be able to make this life all that I dreamed it would be? Days filled with friends, sun, fun activities, dinner ready made by 4 pm and keeping my house impeccably clean? I don't know. I've already learned that the keeping the house impeccably clean and dinner part could actually take up a major part of the day, so I'm going to have to really make some decisions about that.

I'm looking forward to enjoying my baby, teaching her new things, and letting her teach me too. I'm hoping to contribute more to our home so that Brian will have more time to spend with us after work, and to figure out what I want to do when I decide to go back to the work force. I also realize that in a few weeks, when every nook and cranny of my house is organized and all the projects completed, I will begin to wonder how I can improve the community and world around me. I'm not going to worry about that right now. Right now, I'm just going to get the "full time mommy" thing down, and then I'll think about that later.

Also, today marks the fourth anniversary of the death of my dear friend Shawn. We had a horrible fight and I broke his heart months before he died. We didn't speak to each other until 3 weeks before his death. He called me to say that he felt the Holy Spirit prompting him to call me. We talked for a while that day, and we sat in silence, not knowing what more to say, but not wanting to hang up. Three weeks later, Brian and I went to see him perform with his band at Cornerstone and he died the next day. He had stayed up all night, and watched the sunrise. He told friends that he had never felt God's glory as powerfully as he did that morning. His heart failed him that day, and I received the call from a mutual friend with the news.

Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been if I had chosen the path he wanted for me. I'm a firm believer that God honors whatever path we take as long we we honor Him in the process. I have been blessed these past years. Blessed beyond my imagination. Tomorrow I step out in a new direction and I have faith that no matter what, I have placed my future in the right hands.