Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Some days...

Aimee and I did a whole lot of talking today. (Calling it that definately seems to make it more tolerable). I couldn't figure out what was wrong. I tried everything, including doing a little bit of singing and dancing. Nothing seemed to work. It's ironic that she would have several days of crying fits right after I wrote the previous post about how I've become patient and zen and crap. *sigh...That's life I guess. Sometimes as soon as you have a handle on something you realize that it's not always that easy.

I've had a migraine for a little over a week now. Yesterday I puked as soon as I walked into the office. (Hey! At least I made it to the bathroom). No, I am absolutely not pregnant again.
Gotta go! The princess calls.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Aimee's Voice

Aimee has entered the stage where she entertains herself by speaking her little baby language. I get such a kick out of hearing her and I imagine that she must think it's so cool that she can affect the environment around her by making noise. If her sounds could paint a picture, her coos would look like silky pastel colored ribbons drifting, twisting, and falling through the air like feathers. Her delightful squeals would push them right back up, so they'd never hit the floor and her laugh would punctuate the air with brightly colored confetti.

Along with the sweet laughs and cooing, she is learning that she can express her frustration and discomfort in ways other than her usual little baby cry. She has learned to have tantrums. Yes. Over the past few days her rhythmic "waa-waa's" have turned into bratty, toddler-like, middle of the store "why can't I have this candy bar" screams. What would her screams look like? Well, to be honest, I'm so amused that she is learning different ways to express herself...and that she is showing her personality...and that she is acting like me... that I haven't decided what it would look like.

However, this development in her personality has made me step back and realize a few things.

When she was going through her hours long crying sessions for the first 2 months of her life, I felt like she was spinning our world out of control. Her cries filled the room, and in my mind, this little 10 pound baby was really an untamable Goliath. What would soothe this savage beast? I frantically tried everything within the first 60 seconds. Is she hungry/ wet /cold /hot? Should I rock her? Bounce her? Sing to her? Feed Her? Lay her down? Where's Brian? Where's my mom? Where are the books I've read? Someone Help me!

So one day, my father in law came over and Aimee was having a hard day. She wouldn't stop crying, but he just held her calmly. Talking to her and walking her. After checking to make sure all of her needs were met, He just supportively let her cry, and after a while she just stopped. His zen-like state and superpower soothing skills perplexed me. Then he casually made a comment that changed the way I saw Aimee during these hard times. "She's just a little baby and this is her way of communicating."

"How could I forget that?" I asked myself. I guess that in my quest to make her stop crying, I had forgotten that she is a little person and that when we aren't feeling well, we sometimes just want someone to listen and understand what we are going through. A few weeks later, I discovered a book called, "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer: How to calm, connect, and communicate with your baby". This further reinforced the idea that a baby's cry is her voice. I learned to appreciate her cries and to be supportive of her. So now, when she has a crying fit, I calmly hold her and listen to her complaining that I didn't put her in a crib for her nap soon enough and now she's overly tired. I know that when she's done "talking" to me, she will fall into a peaceful sleep, knowing that her mom was there for her and that I listened to everything she wanted to say.

Monday, September 19, 2005

Current state of affairs

My brain has been kinda mushy lately. It seems like lately I don't have much energy for introspection or even finishing complex thoughts or conversations with myself. More than anything, I'm trying to figure out how my mom managed to raise the 3 of us, work from 8-4 (more like 6:30-5 with the commute), make meals from scratch EVERY DAY, keep the house spotlessly clean, earn extra cash by supplying area restaurants and stores with my grandfathers famous Chorizo, keep us in check, and still find time to hand wash our whites. I'm exhausted just WRITING about it.

I'm appreciating her more and more each day.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Like 10,000 of his babies and a public apology

So here is the thing. I LOVE everything that has to do with being a mom. Even though the initial shock and anxiety was overwhelming at times, I loved being pregnant. I loved the cravings, the tiredness, the vomiting before important meetings...yes even that. I loved feeling Aimee kick, I loved feeling her hiccup in the womb, seeing her on the ultrasound, and feeling her little body squirm inside my belly. I loved going in to labor, being in labor, hearing her cry for the first time, and seeing her little round face. I love the way Stephanie and Yoli treat her, the way my mom and Brian's parents look at her, and how my dad cries whenever he talks about her. I love breastfeeding, burping her, and smelling her stinky diapers.

Now I know why people have large families.

ps. I'd like to issue a public apology to my inlaws. Brian and I forgot (actually Brian forgot, I never knew) my inlaw's 35th anniversary. Yes. I feel like a piece of crap daughter-in-law. They are so overwhelmingly generous with us. They call us regularly to see how we are doing, bring us gifts, buy us dinner, and stock our freezer with specialty meats from Johnny G The Butcher every time they come over. We didn't even get them a card. This just confirms that the love of a parent is like no other. Even after your kid stomps all over your feelings, you still love them.