Postsecret for this week.*I don't know what is wrong with blogger today, but it won't let me make paragraphs, so just try to imagine where the new paragraph is supposed to begin.
The truth is that sometimes I miss putting on my black suit, sitting in traffic and listening to the radio morning shows. I get sick of eating my own cooking 3 times a day / 7 days a week, putting on the same jeans and comfortable sweater for days at a time, wearing makeup just for the sake of not feeling like a schlep. There are some days when I feel pushed beyond my limits. I go into survival mode and pretend that I'm not mentally standing at window to see if Brian's car has turned the corner yet, to come home and save me from the 30 lbs of rebellion that has fought me through every meal time and diaper change. There are times that I day dream about those days when I sat in important meetings with important people and did work that was important for the community. I miss the 3 hour meetings, the projects that kept me in the office until 8 pm, the expensive lunches that were paid for with the corporate expense account, the rush of adrenaline I had every time I sounded off to the CEO...and made him LISTEN. I miss looking out the window and seeing the Chicago River, walking to the train, and drinking expensive coffee every day.
The truth is that sometimes I miss putting on my black suit, sitting in traffic and listening to the radio morning shows. I get sick of eating my own cooking 3 times a day / 7 days a week, putting on the same jeans and comfortable sweater for days at a time, wearing makeup just for the sake of not feeling like a schlep. There are some days when I feel pushed beyond my limits. I go into survival mode and pretend that I'm not mentally standing at window to see if Brian's car has turned the corner yet, to come home and save me from the 30 lbs of rebellion that has fought me through every meal time and diaper change. There are times that I day dream about those days when I sat in important meetings with important people and did work that was important for the community. I miss the 3 hour meetings, the projects that kept me in the office until 8 pm, the expensive lunches that were paid for with the corporate expense account, the rush of adrenaline I had every time I sounded off to the CEO...and made him LISTEN. I miss looking out the window and seeing the Chicago River, walking to the train, and drinking expensive coffee every day.
I don't know of any woman who has had a fulfilling career life that wouldn't miss being that person - and sometimes I do miss being that person, I miss that life. I don't think that having these feelings makes me less of a mother. The truth is that staying home with Aimee HAS been the best time of my life. I have never been happier.
I am thankful for these feelings of restlessness. They tell me that it's time to put some extra energy into the things I've always loved and put on hold. Does it mean I'm going back to work? Hell No! The consulting project I accepted a few months ago was great for affirming my decision to stay home, if nothing else. I think it means that it's time for me to get involved again in church or the community, or maybe that it's time for me to go back to school, or maybe both. I sincerely want to be the best mother I can be for Aimee. In order to be that, I need to feel that I'm putting my potential to good use. I am a capable woman. I am capable of doing something good for the community, and I don't need a nice black suit and a huge expense account to do it.
3 comments:
theres lots of things i miss too. like being the center of your world, getting presents from you everyday and getting to reep other benefits of your carreer but I´m even more glad that i can go to your house, eat your good cooking, and spoil aimee with my attention and presents. i´m excited about taking her to all the cool places you used to take me when i was little.
Next time you have a meltdown give me a call.
i love postsecrets i believe there is one for everyone! i recently took them off my links because some are not very appropriate and Nate just a got a job as a junior high/ senior high minister- would hate the students to see some of them through my blog! but i think this one is great!
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