It's been a while and I'm feeling some pressure to write something great. I feel like I should write something meaningful and beautiful that will be able to explain everything that has happened in the past four months, how it's changed me, how it's changed our little family. That's a lot of pressure. I know I won't be able to do it, so I'll just start with right now.
I have been fighting against stress induced paralysis. Sometimes I just deal by not dealing, and that, my friends, is not a good way to deal. So I am committing to doing. Not TRYING to do it, DOING IT.
I have a new job. It started three months ago and today it looks very different from what I even interviewed for. It's been hard. I have to prove myself, and I am frozen with fear that I may not be able to meet my goals. So, I am trying to just shut it all off and go for it.
It seems like Aimee and Daniel have changed so much in the last few months. Daniel has a vocabulary that expands every day. He has an obsession with Elmo. He loves to play with his matchbox cars. He wants to do everything Aimee does. He hates going to the grocery store and it makes my life more difficult, but he randomly gives me kisses and it makes it all better. Aimee and Danny are both taking some classes now. Aimee is in her 2nd year of Pre-school and Ballet. Daniel is taking a Gymnastics class and will be attending storytime at the library.
Aimee has blossomed in so so many ways. She continues to be a fashionista and is now all about matching and jewelry. Going places with her is an entirely new experience and everything I ever hoped it would be. I am amazed and impressed with her ability to express what she's feeling and what needs emotionally and she breaks my pride and makes me feel ashamed when she asks for affection after I've diciplined her in anger.
So how is everything else? Well...it's funny how going through a difficult time can leave you strengthened in some areas and weakened in others. Perspective? So easy to lose. Commitment? I'm short-sighted. Regrets? Many. But I won't go into that, because I'm not as brave as my 4 year old daughter.
2 comments:
good to read whats going on with you again- loved the post about you and brian and God. I keep up with you all through steph and have prayed for finances in all your lives.
feeling a little pressured by myself at this point to start a family...everyone i am friends with here has kids...any advice? how do i know if i'm ready?
Wow. First of all, thanks for your encouragement. I think about you and Nate as well and I'm happy to hear that you guys are well.
Secondly, I don't think I've ever known anyone that has had a child and has felt ready once the child arrived. I understand the pressure of "Everyone around me has a baby", but this is a decision that you absolutely can't go back on that will change your life in every way you can imagine.
Your marriage should be rock solid. It would be good if you feel like you've met some of the more difficult to achieve goals (because it will be very hard to achieve them with a baby on your hip). Travel to the places you've wanted to visit. Make sure Nate is on board. Be sure that you and Nate both have a clear understanding of how the roles and household duties will be divided. You'd be shocked at how many broken marriages start off with, "He doesn't do enough around the house". Have a support system.
How do you know? I think you and Nate should pray about it togather. Ask God to speak to your hearts about it, and be completely open to what God has to say. Whenever Brian and I have a difficult decision to make that we don't agree on, we pray this way. Our personal feeling is that if there isn't unity, than the answer is no. Lastly, God may surprise you when you least expect it.
Children are a gift directly from the hand of God. I think it's great that you are starting to think about it and I will pray for you guys. It's not a decision to take lightly.
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