Promise

I was recently reminded of a conversation I had with God roughly 8 years ago. It was at a time when singlehood was a rewarding way of life. I was happy with the way things were, and I just happened to mention to God that if things could continue the way they were at that moment, I'd be happy to just continue living that way. I was weeks away from making a radical change in my life that would lead me to an exciting and off beat lifestyle that would revolve around 3 things that I loved: God, people, and the arts. As an afterthought I added, "If you WANT me to be married some day, I want my marriage to glorify you and honor you. I don't want to get married if it's purpose is not to enhance my life's ministry." Never did I expect to meet my husband just two weeks later.

We recently celebrated the anniversary of the day we met. After 8 years of being a couple, it didn't occur to me that we should celebrate it, but it did occur to Brian. We had a wonderful night of dinner, conversation, $10 hot chocolate, and a relaxing nighttime walk around the riverwalk. It was wonderful and just what I needed to remind me of my purpose in marriage, motherhood, and life.

I remember that conversation I had with God vividly. It was, to me, a burning bush moment.

My relationship with Brian is easy. Loving him is easy. Wanting to spend time with him? Easy. Seeing him every day? Can't get enough of him. But this marriage thing, this family thing, this grown-up parenting thing? not so easy sometimes.

Meeting and falling in love with Brian was, to me, a response to that burning bush moment. It was a promise. Yesterday my husband presented me with a rainbow. A reminder that God is faithful to complete the work that he began, and that he never breaks his promises.

Pressure

It's been a while and I'm feeling some pressure to write something great. I feel like I should write something meaningful and beautiful that will be able to explain everything that has happened in the past four months, how it's changed me, how it's changed our little family. That's a lot of pressure. I know I won't be able to do it, so I'll just start with right now.

I have been fighting against stress induced paralysis. Sometimes I just deal by not dealing, and that, my friends, is not a good way to deal. So I am committing to doing. Not TRYING to do it, DOING IT.

I have a new job. It started three months ago and today it looks very different from what I even interviewed for. It's been hard. I have to prove myself, and I am frozen with fear that I may not be able to meet my goals. So, I am trying to just shut it all off and go for it.


It seems like Aimee and Daniel have changed so much in the last few months. Daniel has a vocabulary that expands every day. He has an obsession with Elmo. He loves to play with his matchbox cars. He wants to do everything Aimee does. He hates going to the grocery store and it makes my life more difficult, but he randomly gives me kisses and it makes it all better. Aimee and Danny are both taking some classes now. Aimee is in her 2nd year of Pre-school and Ballet. Daniel is taking a Gymnastics class and will be attending storytime at the library.

Aimee has blossomed in so so many ways. She continues to be a fashionista and is now all about matching and jewelry. Going places with her is an entirely new experience and everything I ever hoped it would be. I am amazed and impressed with her ability to express what she's feeling and what needs emotionally and she breaks my pride and makes me feel ashamed when she asks for affection after I've diciplined her in anger.

So how is everything else? Well...it's funny how going through a difficult time can leave you strengthened in some areas and weakened in others. Perspective? So easy to lose. Commitment? I'm short-sighted. Regrets? Many. But I won't go into that, because I'm not as brave as my 4 year old daughter.