The Hole in The Wall...

Brian and I were lucky enough to enter into marriage with the understanding that we were creating a new life together as two very differently flawed and wounded people. Our goal as a couple has been to honor God by honoring each other and serving as intruments of God's healing in each other's lives. I can honestly say that we are accomplishing that. We believe that a marriage without a clearly defined and unified purpose is a stagnant marriage, and if we are going to be stagnant in our relationship, we might as well just be roommates. I in no way want to try to convince you that we have a perfect marriage. The ruined saucepan and hole in the wall (that just so happens to fit the saucepan perfectly) are a testament to my sudden temper and Brian's moments of insensitivity. But our commitment to being honest, promising to give all of ourselves, and to work towards true intimacy ultimately supersedes our personal sinful desires to struggle for the upper hand. By the grace of God, our marriage has been our ministry.

Enter Aimee

I feel an even deeper responsibility to work through all these things that bind me. The wounds that keep me from forgiving, hoping, trusting, and asking for what I want, need, and deserve. See Aimee was given to us fresh from God's hand as a perfect, living, breathing symbol of hope and potential. "...To Whom much is given, much is expected..." If I don't care to become whole, to grow to the potential God has for my own life and to seek and accept God's healing, I cannot fully invest into her life in the way God calls me to.

I have been given much.

It is a painful to accept, but I know that I will hurt this little girl. I know that I will wound her and make mistakes. I know that someday she will come home from school crying because some teacher or mean kid hurt her feelings. I know that someday, some little boy out there is going grow up with his own hurts and will have his own moments of insensitivity when dealing with her. I know that Brian and I won't be able to shield her from the sinfulness of this world that will scar her spirit. But we can pass on the tools to help her deal... The knowledge of the love of Christ. Our own surrender to each other and to the will of God. An environment that helps her discover who she really is.

Much is expected

I am aware. Yes. I am aware that I will never be the perfect mom. My ministry is myself right now. Because I can't be a whole mom, or wife, or anything without that. I am seeking healing, forgiveness, hope, trust, and the boldness to request what I need. I will start with this, a request, remember me as you pray.


ps...Don't worry people. I stopped throwing things a good year and a half ago...