It's one of my character flaws....

and it's well known among family and friends. I can't focus on two important tasks at the same time. I get frustrated. I feel overwhelmed. I can't focus. Just ask one of my sisters about when they are trying to have a conversation with me while Aimee is crying. Just ask my husband about the year of our engagement. I had a job that I really enjoyed and required that I work an average of 60 hours a week. Who won that battle for my attention? Let's just say I'm a really lucky woman to have walked to the alter and still have a groom waiting for me.

My major failures in life can be blamed on this horrible flaw of mine. I didn't finish college because I got too involved in what was going on at home. Being there in a time of major changes was more important than figuring out what I wanted to do with my life. Climbing the corporate ladder was more important than finishing the degree that would help me climb further.

I can thank this flaw for some of the major accomplishments as well. Could I have made it this far in this rewarding well paying career had I NOT paid my dues and worked so hard in the beginning? Would my marriage be as healthy and fulfilling a relationship as it is now had I not realized the error of my ways and switched my focus from work to us?

Now I'm faced with another challenge. This time, the stakes are much higher and the tasks more important than ever. I have to learn how to balance. I can't neglect one thing to do the other, not even for a little while. I have to learn how to take care of this little life called Aimee and still take care of my own. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

How do I become a well adjusted working mom? I know in my head that the situation I'm in is ideal. I work for a fabulously supportive group of people. I make my own schedule. I get to work from home a few days a week. I have the best baby sitter I could have asked for with kids that go crazy with excitement when Aimee arrives. So why do I feel so much anxiety so much of the time? Taking the time to exercise even brings daily arguments with myself. I know that if I don't do it every day, I will throw my back out. The doctors have told me, the therapist has told me, and guess what...I have EXPERIENCED IT. So why do I still have to convince myself to do it? Is there a disconnect happening somewhere between my head and my heart? I know that quitting my job and not exercising anymore is not the answer. Finding balance is the answer. Now, if someone could just tell me where to find it, I think things would be alright.