Tuesday, June 20, 2006

I just can't get over it


From time to time, I find myself just falling in love with the most random things. For example, I always get a kick out of how enormous Brian's feet look when he stands on our bathroom scale. Or how when he's talking about something and gets really excited, he has a very slight lisp. I love those random things. I fall in love with them, forget about it, and then fall in love with it all over again with the same joy and level of intensity I'd have if I had just noticed it for the first time.

Before Brian, I didn't have many significant relationships. Most guys got on my nerves too quickly for a serious relationship to ever materialize. However, I always enjoyed the entire life cycle of the relationship. Usually it went something like this:

1. Infatuation Stage. "That guy is awesome!"
2. He Likes Me Too Stage. "We are dating! How Fun!"
3. He eats His Popcorn Too Loud Stage. "I can't date a loud popcorn eater."
4. I Can't See You Anymore Stage. "If I'm breaking up with you, why does it still hurt?"

Even the process of breaking up was something to appreciate. A few weeks before we got married, I entered into a mini-depression. I actually grieved the loss of breaking up. "I'll never sing along to a break up song with the same emotion again!" I whined to my roommate. She thought I was crazy.

Now I realize that perhaps I was depressed because I didn't know the ending. I always knew how my other relationships would end. Getting married meant giving up control. I couldn't imagine loving anyone as much as I loved, say, my sisters. It's natural to love your sisters. Not so much to commit to loving forever and making a family with a guy you've only known for a year or two.

It was around that time that I saw some celebrity on a talk show talking about being married for a long time. The interviewer, (I think it was Regis), asked her, "How do you stay in love after so many years?" The celebrity said something about love staying alive when you fall in love all over again with little things. She gave the example of sitting with her husband and looking down and seeing his hand and just feeling a great deal of love for his hand. For some reason, that made sense to me, and I remember thinking, "Well, I hope that's me in the next 30 years."

It gives me a great deal of satisfaction to tell you that I no longer mourn the loss of the "break up". Instead, I take in the joyful feeling of falling in love with the little things. What's even better is that I get to experience this with my little Aimee as well. After a year of looking at her little toes, I still want to put them in my pocket and take them with me where ever I go.

1 comment:

E. Michelle said...

you guys look so cute in that picture!