I began writing this about a week after 9/11 this year. I wasn't able to finish it and as more time passed, it seemed harder to find a reason to finish and post this entry. Today is our wedding anniversary, so I thought I 'd go ahead and post it.
9/11 is a really weird time for Brian and I. As 9/11 approaches we anticipate it with mixed emotions because we met the day before, 9/10/2001. As we listen to the newscasts that play in the background while we clean up after dinner we will catch the phrase, "It's been __ years since that day...." and we say, "Wow, have we really been togather for that long?"
Over the years, we've heard stories about how 9/11 influenced our culture. The return of religion into people's lives, childless couples deciding there was no better time than now, Jessica Simpson and Nick Lechaey getting engaged, it goes on and on...
I've never really stopped to think if 9/11 had anything to do with the speed in which our relationship grew. Brian and I met on Monday 9/10 and by Sunday 9/16 we both had decided in our own minds that we would marry. It took another week for us to each tell our parents that we had met "the one", and a few more weeks for us to tell each other. Both our parents thought we were crazy. My mom cautioned me that such a strong declaration so soon may not be sincere, while his family may have thought that I was a rebound from a failed long-term relationship. However, we ignored the advise of our parents and had faith in the trust we started to build on our 3rd date, which in retrospect, is really a building block of our relationship.
We met on Monday, and went on dates every day from Thursday-Sunday. The night of our third date , while we walked around Buckingham Fountain, we came up with an idea. We would tell each other the most embarassing and shameful thing we'd ever done. The one piece of information that we'd never want each other to know. That way, we wouldn't have to be afraid that the other person would find out and want to end the relationship. If this information was too much for one of us, then three dates was not too much life wasted on something that didn't work out. That little conversation has had a huge impact in our marriage. We are able to live our life in freedom. I don't have to fear that he doesn't love me. He learned what I thought was the most unloveable thing about me in the beginning, and chose to love me anyway.
I've never really stopped to think if 9/11 had anything to do with the speed in which our relationship grew. Brian and I met on Monday 9/10 and by Sunday 9/16 we both had decided in our own minds that we would marry. It took another week for us to each tell our parents that we had met "the one", and a few more weeks for us to tell each other. Both our parents thought we were crazy. My mom cautioned me that such a strong declaration so soon may not be sincere, while his family may have thought that I was a rebound from a failed long-term relationship. However, we ignored the advise of our parents and had faith in the trust we started to build on our 3rd date, which in retrospect, is really a building block of our relationship.
We met on Monday, and went on dates every day from Thursday-Sunday. The night of our third date , while we walked around Buckingham Fountain, we came up with an idea. We would tell each other the most embarassing and shameful thing we'd ever done. The one piece of information that we'd never want each other to know. That way, we wouldn't have to be afraid that the other person would find out and want to end the relationship. If this information was too much for one of us, then three dates was not too much life wasted on something that didn't work out. That little conversation has had a huge impact in our marriage. We are able to live our life in freedom. I don't have to fear that he doesn't love me. He learned what I thought was the most unloveable thing about me in the beginning, and chose to love me anyway.
It's been over 5 years since we met, and today, October 19, marks 3 years of marriage. I never imagined marriage would be so good. I knew it would be hard, and it has been. Working toward a healthy marriage has been more difficult than living in a bad relationship. It would have been easier to ignore the unhealthy, selfish, and ugly in each other. Instead, we have chosen to confront those things head on. Climbing a mountain to the summit is more difficult than admiring it from the valley, but you just can't get that kind of view from below.
No comments:
Post a Comment