A great Me

The popular subject of conversations among many of my friends has been one that has caught me off guard. It's a subject that cements my position as a "grown up", and it has startled me to be discussing such things (seemingly) so early in life. Remember, mine is the generation that has grown up very slowly. It is the generation of the "failure to launch" phenomenon, and the "Quarter life crisis".

The Topic? How to be happy and married. No, not how to be happily married. How to be happy and married.

I used to think that since I found a wonderful husband, a man who actually cares about the health of our relationship, who is willing to do everything it takes to make it work, a man whose first priority is the emotional satisfaction and well being of our family, that we would never have to struggle with this topic. I used to think that being with Brian would be enough to make me be a happy person, and that I would make him happy in return. However, the reality of where we are in life, the gravity of the responsibilities, the ordering of priorities, the routine of our days which have been established for us; those things that we cannot change if we want stability and security for our children, they have started to inch out youthful energy and happiness. A friend of mine called it the "loss of possibility", a mourning for the road not taken, those intersections in life that we will probably not cross again for a very long time, if ever.

When I first found out I was pregnant with Aimee, I asked several women that I admire what was the key to being a happy mother. All of them said that the key was to have a life (or interests) outside of the home. That answer seemed contradictory to me. To be a happy mother, you have to do things that are not mom related? Now it makes perfect sense. That answer can apply to any life situation really. To be a happy executive, you have to have interests outside of work. To be a happy retiree, you have to have activities besides being retired.

The challenge is in making the time and in creating the energy to do one more thing when it seems impossible to do that, it is making the effort to reach out to friends and coming up with topics of conversation that don't include what is going in with your kids or home or job or whatever consumes 99% of your time. Creating new experiences, visiting new places, getting to know new people; those are the things that help keep your individual self alive.

Am I unhappy? No. However, there are areas of my life that I am not satisfied with. I know what they are. I am doing something about it. It would be easier to just accept my situation as permanent and it takes energy to make changes happen, but making those changes creates an excitement in me for the possibilities that I am creating. Seeing those changes having an effect energizes me to continue.

Keeping a sense of individuality, nurturing a growing spiritual and thought life, growing in love and respect for my husband, working toward a tangible personal goal, watching in wonder as my children begin to do things like smile or speak in complete sentences; those are my lifelines to happiness.

I'm lucky to have a great husband, but I see that being a great ME is just as important.

Do you have any words of wisdom? What makes you happy? Feel free to share in the comments section.